Sex before Marriage

[Anthea]

well I am single too, but I don't want to be with a girl who slept with a lot of guys before, that's disgusting and that tells you that she doesn't have a lot of self-respect, or she is not to be trusted.

they don't have to be virgins, that's a very old way of thinking, that only happens in tribal communities
we live in a modern world now, the older generation might still be a little bit conservative, but the younger generations are not
you have to accept that fact, otherwise you'll have a very long lasting headache

A girl would NEVER tell you that she has slept with a lot of guys

She will tell a man the sad tale about how she was in love and they were planning to marry but he:

1: died in a terrible accident
2: returned to his homeland and was killed while fighting for freedom
3: was forced into an arranged marriage by his family
4: turned out to already have a wife
5: about to marry but wife refused divorce
6: could not divorce because of his children
7: beat her up so she had to run away
8: lied to her and deserted her

I have come across ALL those reasons and more

[SadKurdLover]

I agree that most girls will not be honest about just how many they have slept with if that number is a lot. In my opinion a woman shouldn't be penalised for not being a virgin if she was in love or lives quietly and only has sex within a committed relationship. It's not the same as being a party girl who will sleep with anyone who asks or who is very casual with herself. It upsets me when that distinction isn't made while men often don't apply the same to themselves.

[Piling]

Religious condemn adultery from both genders.

The exigence of women's virginity is not a religious one, it is from tradition. A non virgin girl is like a second-hand car for traditional societies, in which marriage are economical exchanges between families or clans. If a non virgin boy does not lose its value on the Dow-Jones Wedding place, it is mostly because there is no visible sign of male virginity.

There is also another reason : people think that if a girl has sexual experiences before marriage it means that she has a hot nature and even married she would seek other sexual relationships and then she can have children from another men than her husband : so it is a control of lineage and heirs. A man can have bastards out of his own clan, a woman bring them inside, so the trouble is for her relatives. That is cynic, but traditional marriages have never been a romantic affair.

In any case, if a girl or a woman has sex before marriage (according or against her own believes) better to use contraception especially if she is against abortion. Men should use condoms for their own safety also, because condom is their only way, with vasectomy to control their choice to be father or not.

[Anthea]

I agree that most girls will not be honest about just how many they have slept with if that number is a lot. In my opinion a woman shouldn't be penalised for not being a virgin if she was in love or lives quietly and only has sex within a committed relationship. It's not the same as being a party girl who will sleep with anyone who asks or who is very casual with herself. It upsets me when that distinction isn't made while men often don't apply the same to themselves.

When it comes to sex Kurds have absolutely no sense of humour - If I want sex again I am going to have to get married DAM Or hide him in a cupboard when my friends visit

I agree that was is good for the man should be good for the woman but it certainly is not the case in Kurdish culture

[Anthea]

There is also another reason : people think that if a girl has sexual experiences before marriage it means that she has a hot nature and even married she would seek other sexual relationships and then she can have children from another men than her husband : so it is a control of lineage and heirs. A man can have bastards out of his own clan, a woman bring them inside, so the trouble is for her relatives. That is cynic, but traditional marriages have never been a romantic affair.

I have a theory - you knew that I would have

I think that men prefer their wives to be virgins so they will not have anyone else to compare their husbands to - and will not realise that their husband is really a totally useless lover - they want an innocent virgin who thinks 2 minutes of sex once a week - without foreplay or so much as a kiss afterwards - is normal

[Piling]

I have a theory - you knew that I would have

I think that men prefer their wives to be virgins so they will not have anyone else to compare their husbands to - and will not realise that their husband is really a totally useless lover - they want an innocent virgin who thinks 2 minutes of sex once a week - without foreplay or so much as a kiss afterwards - is normal

It might be true… and it could explain female circumcision : a mutilated woman who can not have any orgasm should not be tempted to search her pleasure elsewhere

But I won't charge men for all the troubles of women : the main foes of women are their mothers. For example, concerning virginity, circumcision, marriages against the bride's will, you will find soon the mother behind. There is a terrible female plot against females.

And I suppose that for males it is the same : mothers are dragons

[Piling]

When it comes to sex Kurds have absolutely no sense of humour

That's a serious thing for them, more serious than war. Most of them they will find love less frightening than war.

Sex is something else : as many people from repressive societies there is only 2 choices : being a whore or a virgin (I talk about MEN, not women ; women have a 3rd choice : being a mother … more creepy, in fact).

What i am going to say is a scandal for feminists but I have always thought that being a man is a harder job than being a woman. Like Hegel about the Master-slave dialectic.

[Anthea]

Poor Kurds suppressed from the outside - repressed from the inside - not surprising that so many of them are depressed

A Kurdish mother could not teach her daughter something that she herself knows nothing about

Many of the ladies in England have low self-esteem - I wonder if this applies to Kurdish ladies in Turkey - sometimes I wonder if one of the reasons some of them have so many children is due to the attention that is made of them and their new baby - sometimes it is almost as though Kurdish ladies go from one mother to another mother as an excuse to chat with each other - and if someone is in hospital the weeping women turn up by the coach-load - in-grown toenail let us all go and cry - one thing Kurdish women do extremely well is cry

They have to visit anyone sick - or rather they have to be seen to visit anyone sick - it would bring shame to them if they did not visit - they do help each other a lot - Kurds from Kurdistan share with each other and help each other more than Kurds from Turkey

At all social functions the men and women sit in separate groups - the men talking about men's business (politics and football) and never even talking amongst themselves about sex - the women talking about babies - absolutely riveting chit chat (cough cough)

[Shirko]

Sadkurdlover, if you joined this forum to learn about Kurds, then read the way Anthea talks and thinks and Piling, and do the exact opposite of them. The way they are talking in the previous postings above, especially Anthea, is very insulting. if youbrespect him then do not talk like this around this guys family and friends, you will surely lose him.

[Anthea]

Sadkurdlover, if you joined this forum to learn about Kurds, then read the way Anthea talks and thinks and Piling, and do the exact opposite of them. The way they are talking in the previous postings above, especially Anthea, is very insulting. if youbrespect him then do not talk like this around this guys family and friends, you will surely lose him.

There writes a sexist male

Which part have we got wrong?

[Shirko]

Sadkurdlover, if you joined this forum to learn about Kurds, then read the way Anthea talks and thinks and Piling, and do the exact opposite of them. The way they are talking in the previous postings above, especially Anthea, is very insulting. if youbrespect him then do not talk like this around this guys family and friends, you will surely lose him.

There writes a sexist male

Which part have we got wrong?

should I send a complaint for the personal attack on me by calling me a "sexist male"?
If I am a sexist male, then you are a aggressive femenist female attacker.
Can you please show me exactly what part of my previous comment is wrong and is sexist?

[Anthea]

Sadkurdlover, if you joined this forum to learn about Kurds, then read the way Anthea talks and thinks and Piling, and do the exact opposite of them. The way they are talking in the previous postings above, especially Anthea, is very insulting. if youbrespect him then do not talk like this around this guys family and friends, you will surely lose him.

There writes a sexist male

Which part have we got wrong?

should I send a complaint for the personal attack on me by calling me a "sexist male"?
If I am a sexist male, then you are a aggresive femenist female.
Can you please show me exactly what part of my previous comment is wrong and is sexist?

I asked you which part I had got wrong

And thank you YES I am an aggressive feminist female

I have long had the urge to tell some of the lovely Kurdish ladies I know that they could rid themselves of their aggressive men - keep the house - and have half the businesses - I would love to liberate the women - teach them English and teach them their rights

[kani]

I think I have wrote about this before. But the most kurdish ladies I know here in Finland aren't virgins.
This way of old thinking a girl should be virgin doesn't exist that much in the new generation of kurds who lives outside.
Some of them (both guys and girls) got a bad rejection from their families but after a while they got accepted back. This shows that even if the culture is against it,the love that parents have for their children they will accept everything and on the end seen their children happy means the whole world.


Myself I think it's good to have sex before marriage,we should get a lot of experience before marriage since marriage itself is not an easy thing. A long is with someone u love and trust is ok. However about girls who sleep with a lot of guys. Those kind of girls are seen to be bad even in the European countries ,so kurdish culture is not the only one to blame here.

[Anthea]

I think I have wrote about this before. But the most kurdish ladies I know here in Finland aren't virgins.
This way of old thinking a girl should be virgin doesn't exist that much in the new generation of kurds who lives outside.
Some of them (both guys and girls) got a bad rejection from their families but after a while they got accepted back. This shows that even if the culture is against it,the love that parents have for their children they will accept everything and on the end seen their children happy means the whole world.


Myself I think it's good to have sex before marriage,we should get a lot of experience before marriage since marriage itself is not an easy thing. A long is with someone u love and trust is ok. However about girls who sleep with a lot of guys. Those kind of girls are seen to be bad even in the European countries ,so kurdish culture is not the only one to blame here.

I would say that in England many of the younger Kurdish girls who live with their families are still virgins - also many men prefer to marry girls from back home - possibly because many of the men prefer to marry someone just like their mother - they say that girls who have been bought-up here are too westernised - what they probably mean is too liberated

[Anthea]

Perhaps it is best to have Sex before Marriage because after only a few months of marriage sex often becomes boring - something men want when there is no football on TV

Sadly for us the poor neglected female - in many cultures the sex act is always initiated by the male - and generally finishes when the male ends the session whether his female partner is happy or not - his snores and smelly feet are often all the sexual excitement many females will ever know