Cross Cultural Relationships

[Fortuna]

Maybe this has been discussed beforem if it has then i apologise in advance .

A friend of mine has been in the UK now for nearly 5 years, and was in a relationship with a polish girl for 3 years also from UK, but he said he can never marry her as he is expected to go home and marry a good kurdish girl that he has already met and loves and both families have agreed that this marriage will take place.

My question is, how can you love someone you didnt see for nearly 5 years, and is this common that kurdish people marry from their home town? Is it just this guy? Remind me never to fall in love with a kurd if this is the case

[dyaoko]

well sometimes , the idea of the parents are so important for the guy, and he would marry a relative girl that his parent want .

marrying realtives is common in kurdish community (like marrying cousin ..)

[tomjez]

Kurdish traditions are not only hard for girls (of course they are harder for them). Guys also are forced to marry against their will and the familial pressure is huge. Its results in a lot of unhappy couples and I met a lot of kurdish guys in turkey who said that if they find a nice european woman they would leave immediately their f.... wife and escape. This sounded very weird for me but the lack of love and affection in these arranged couples is really striking... Some friends of mine (european girls) had the same stories during their trips in North Kurdistan: they did the mistake to smile broadly (innocent in Europe ) to some kurds, who immediately felt in love with them.... if they were dumb enough to give their cell phone number, they would be bothered 6 months later by crazy in love kurds (married with children), ready to leave anything to come to Istanbul...

I really heard these stories from different people, I think there is a patter here

no offence to kurdish traditions meant of course... but I would be interested in having your opinion!

[dyaoko]

ofcourse it is very diffrent for each part of kurdistan.
in iranian kurdistan women have so much better situation than Iraqi or Turkish occupied Kurdistan.

I never seen any man have two woman in iranian kurdistan , but in Turkish and iraqi kurdistan I have seen some men having two women.

[Vladimir]

Well I have heard about Kurdish men having three women there. So there goes your claim.

[heval]

Ms. Fortuna - Kurds are extremely diverse on a lot of subject matters and this is one of them!


This differs from family to family. Some Kurdish families are very strict and against interracial marriages, and others have no problems with it. Some Kurdish families will not accept a cross cultural relationship under any means, while others will gladly accept it... furthermore, some are against it but ultimately leave the decision up to their son or daughter.

It just depends on the family. There could be a number of factors that play a part of it such as religious reasons, tribal reasons, or just being plain traditional... but in every case, the family's choice is the ultimate deciding factor.

[dyaoko]

I know many many kurds, who have a non-kurd wife . german , swedish , norwgian... but I dont know many kurdish girls have a european husband.

[Fortuna]

Thanxs for the replies, its great to get differant views.

I guess my friend is lucky that he loves this girl, and hopefully she feels the same way too. He is from iraq and will get married next month but come back to UK without his wife, i assume while she waits for visa here, another strange thing for us english people.

Talking about kurds in Turkey, a guy i know had a realationship with an english girl, whome he wanted to marry, and his family were ok with this, but sadly, she didnt want to marry him, even though she had his baby, and now this guy is struggling to get a visa to come to England just so he can see his son.

I know mostly it is about traditions, even my family would rather i married a good christain guy from england, but they are hard to fine lol, but i know as long as i was happy and with a good man, it wouldnt matter where he came from or which religion he follows.

[Rojhat Rami]

That story about that Kurdish guy is pretty sad. My veiw on this subject is that western countries have very different traditions about marriage. If that woman was Kurdish, she most likely would have gotten married since they had a child together.

Maybe it's religion, maybe its culture.

[Fortuna]

Sadly yes you are right, we do have differant ways of life here, i wouldnt say differant traditions though. and even though the majority of our parents do want us to be married then have children it doesnt often happen that way. It doesnt have anything to do with religion it is definatly culture, and most times its easier to have a baby out of marriage because of the complications and cost a divorce can bring.

[Rojhat Rami]

thats true fortuna. I agree with your last sentence.

[mares]

Maybe this has been discussed beforem if it has then i apologise in advance .

A friend of mine has been in the UK now for nearly 5 years, and was in a relationship with a polish girl for 3 years also from UK, but he said he can never marry her as he is expected to go home and marry a good kurdish girl that he has already met and loves and both families have agreed that this marriage will take place.

My question is, how can you love someone you didnt see for nearly 5 years, and is this common that kurdish people marry from their home town? Is it just this guy? Remind me never to fall in love with a kurd if this is the case

I have been with a kurdish man for 2yrs. I am an english girl.
I think so much has changed reently for kurdish men. Years ago yes kurdish would have been expected to marry kurdish but with so many kurdish men living in England they are falling in love with English girls.
As far as my partner and his family as long as he has found someone and is happy he can marry. Im not saying this would be his parents first choice as English girls don't have a good reputation. i also know a lot of kurdish men who will have relationships with english girls knowing full well they will be going back to marry a kurdish girl.
Maybe im just being naive about this, thinking my partner is going to stay and marry me but if what he says is true then once a kurdish man has had sex with a women then no kurdish girl would want him anyway as they have to be virgins to marry. Double standards i know.

Anyone else having a relationship with a kurdish man?
Please let me know how you are handling the differences between cultures and have you got any advice for me?

[missIndependent]

I have been with a kurdish man for 2yrs. I am an english girl.
I think so much has changed reently for kurdish men. Years ago yes kurdish would have been expected to marry kurdish but with so many kurdish men living in England they are falling in love with English girls.
As far as my partner and his family as long as he has found someone and is happy he can marry. Im not saying this would be his parents first choice as English girls don't have a good reputation. i also know a lot of kurdish men who will have relationships with english girls knowing full well they will be going back to marry a kurdish girl.
Maybe im just being naive about this, thinking my partner is going to stay and marry me but if what he says is true then once a kurdish man has had sex with a women then no kurdish girl would want him anyway as they have to be virgins to marry. Double standards i know.
Anyone else having a relationship with a kurdish man?
Please let me know how you are handling the differences between cultures and have you got any advice for me?

i'm afraid that i have to tell you there is no sucha thing as Double Standard in kurdish culture i know many kurdish guys outside kurdistan having partners from all sort of races, n then after years, wheneva they feel like it or in some cases forced by parents, they go back to kurdistan and they choose an Innocent young girl to marry.

anywayz, it doesnt apply to all, hopefully in your case is different.
wish you all the best and all the luck

[missIndependent]

btw, how the hell you know if the guy is virgin?!

[mares]

btw, how the hell you know if the guy is virgin?!

of course it is double standards, you don't find kurdish girls having sex with men outside marrage as they want to be virgins when they marry.
My partner knows that he could never go back to kurdistan in the hope to marry a kurdish girl because he is not a virgin.
When these men go back to kurdistan to marry a kurdish girl do they just lie and say they are virgins?

I think it is quite easy to tell if a man is a virgin just use your imagination and you will come up with a few clues.