Cross Cultural Relationships

[missIndependent]

btw, how the hell you know if the guy is virgin?!

of course it is double standards, you don't find kurdish girls having sex with men outside marrage as they want to be virgins when they marry.
My partner knows that he could never go back to kurdistan in the hope to marry a kurdish girl because he is not a virgin.
When these men go back to kurdistan to marry a kurdish girl do they just lie and say they are virgins?

I think it is quite easy to tell if a man is a virgin just use your imagination and you will come up with a few clues.

is there any other way apart imagining to tell if a guy is virgin or not?
i'm lost

[mares]

btw, how the hell you know if the guy is virgin?!

of course it is double standards, you don't find kurdish girls having sex with men outside marrage as they want to be virgins when they marry.
My partner knows that he could never go back to kurdistan in the hope to marry a kurdish girl because he is not a virgin.
When these men go back to kurdistan to marry a kurdish girl do they just lie and say they are virgins?

I think it is quite easy to tell if a man is a virgin just use your imagination and you will come up with a few clues.

is there any other way apart imagining to tell if a guy is virgin or not?
i'm lost

Yes their is but not by looking at him.
You can tell by what he says, does and doesn't do but it's a bit rude to write on hear.

[Fortuna]

Hi to both mares and missIndependent . mares its interesting what you wrote here about your guy saying he cant marry a kurdish girl as he isnt a virgin, i have never heard that before, and im wondering if its a kurdish thing or what? I spent 2 years in a relationship with a muslim and he wasnt a virgin, yet went on to marry a good muslim girl who was a virgin even though he has slept with others and he certainly never hid it, and it was expected from him and he was happy to marry a "pure girl" and im pretty sure she would know he wasnt a vigin or under any illusions that he was one.

I once asked a kurdish friend why he came to england, his answer didnt suprise me at all he said,

EASY girls
EASY money and
EASY passport, and yep he got all 3 before going home to marry then coming back to england to carry on with easy girld as he called it, leaving his kurdish wife with his family until he goes home again.

[missIndependent]

btw, how the hell you know if the guy is virgin?!

of course it is double standards, you don't find kurdish girls having sex with men outside marrage as they want to be virgins when they marry.
My partner knows that he could never go back to kurdistan in the hope to marry a kurdish girl because he is not a virgin.
When these men go back to kurdistan to marry a kurdish girl do they just lie and say they are virgins?

I think it is quite easy to tell if a man is a virgin just use your imagination and you will come up with a few clues.

is there any other way apart imagining to tell if a guy is virgin or not?
i'm lost

Yes their is but not by looking at him.
You can tell by what he says, does and doesn't do but it's a bit rude to write on hear.

well, i dont think girls back home in kurdistan have any experience to tell if the guy is virgin or not, they cant tell that just by what he tells or how he acts

[missIndependent]

Hi to both mares and missIndependent . mares its interesting what you wrote here about your guy saying he cant marry a kurdish girl as he isnt a virgin, i have never heard that before, and im wondering if its a kurdish thing or what? I spent 2 years in a relationship with a muslim and he wasnt a virgin, yet went on to marry a good muslim girl who was a virgin even though he has slept with others and he certainly never hid it, and it was expected from him and he was happy to marry a "pure girl" and im pretty sure she would know he wasnt a vigin or under any illusions that he was one.

I once asked a kurdish friend why he came to england, his answer didnt suprise me at all he said,

EASY girls
EASY money and
EASY passport, and yep he got all 3 before going home to marry then coming back to england to carry on with easy girld as he called it, leaving his kurdish wife with his family until he goes home again.

Hi to you too

and i have to say, i'm so agree with u

[mares]

Hi to both mares and missIndependent . mares its interesting what you wrote here about your guy saying he cant marry a kurdish girl as he isnt a virgin, i have never heard that before, and im wondering if its a kurdish thing or what? I spent 2 years in a relationship with a muslim and he wasnt a virgin, yet went on to marry a good muslim girl who was a virgin even though he has slept with others and he certainly never hid it, and it was expected from him and he was happy to marry a "pure girl" and im pretty sure she would know he wasnt a vigin or under any illusions that he was one.

I once asked a kurdish friend why he came to england, his answer didnt suprise me at all he said,

EASY girls
EASY money and
EASY passport, and yep he got all 3 before going home to marry then coming back to england to carry on with easy girld as he called it, leaving his kurdish wife with his family until he goes home again.

Hi to you too

and i have to say, i'm so agree with u

Gosh that is soooo true.

Maybe a lot of it is what he thinks but he has always said that a kurdish girl would only marry a virgin. Maybe hes telling me that so i wont think he will go back and marry a kurdish girl. But your right i also know kurdish men who have wives and families back home but still come here for the Easy everything.
So i say again it is double standards

[EAskew]

I have just been reading the posts on this subject and thought I would share my experiences
I am an English female and have had a relationship with a Kurdish man for 2 years who I loved dearly. I had really set my heart on marrying him and having children but 2 months ago he want back to Iraqi Kurdistan. He had been in England for 4 years and I think he had pressure from his parents to go back home. I have been devastated ever since. I was always worried incase he went back but he always told me he would never go back. Since he has left I have had phone contact with him and he told me his parents are saying to him everyday about him getting married which hurts me so much to think of him marrying somebody else. Now I dont really know if he was genuine about me or not, even now he tells me he will always love me and never forget me but I feel bitter towards him because he did not marry me. I would say to anyone in a relationship just to be very careful and make sure your getting out of it what you want, I would certainly say to the girl who's boyfriend told her that men have to be virgins this is not correct at all.

[Fortuna]

Hiya EAskew.

Welcome to the forum. I just read your posting and i was in a simular situation to you, but i knew this guy was always going to go home, with an 80% chance of marrying there. (thumbs up for his honesty)


It sounds to me that he does love you, and this may come as a shock to you but if he comes back, you didnt say how long he has gone for or if he is coming back? he will probably want to carry on seeing you, and his wife will stay in Kurdistan for now, at least until her visa has been approved.

Also I dont know if you are aware but he can have up to 4 wives, but not in England of course, so he could still marry you..........

Its sad that he wasnt honest with you in the beginning but dont beat yourself up over it, and remember the good times you had with him because of course he loved you. 2 years is a long time to spend with someone just for fun.

[EAskew]

Hi Fortuna

Thanks for your reply. Its good to hear from people who have been in similar situations. Unfortunatley my boyfriend is not coming back, he did try and does want to but does not have the correct documentation. You are right I have been beating myself up about it and keep wondering if he always knew that he would always go back to get married. I will just try and remember the good times.

[joanna1]

I know this is an old post but am new and have just been browsing. Firstly I would like to say that I am English and have been with my fiance, a Kurdish man for 5 years. We met when I was 18 and he was 21 and have lived together for the past 4 years. We are getting married and have only waited so long because of my studying at University and the lack of money. Id like to put a different aspect on things. I know truly that my partner loves me, hes been back to Iraq several times and always comes back bearing gifts from his family. Ive spoken with his father, his brother lived with us for a year and have also met lots of his extended family. His mother always sends her love but she cant speak English. His neice (who is gorgeous and lives in Holland and is just 2) calls me aunt jawana. All his family love and accept me. Its not always the case tht Kurdish men are expected to marry kurdish women....some do marry for love and their families are happy with that.
My fiance has never been unfaithful, always respects me and looks after me like gold. He has my name tatood on his hip (just for good measure).

Mixed relationships can and will work.
You just need a lot of love

xxx

[Diri]

I know this is an old post but am new and have just been browsing. Firstly I would like to say that I am English and have been with my fiance, a Kurdish man for 5 years. We met when I was 18 and he was 21 and have lived together for the past 4 years. We are getting married and have only waited so long because of my studying at University and the lack of money. Id like to put a different aspect on things. I know truly that my partner loves me, hes been back to Iraq several times and always comes back bearing gifts from his family. Ive spoken with his father, his brother lived with us for a year and have also met lots of his extended family. His mother always sends her love but she cant speak English. His neice (who is gorgeous and lives in Holland and is just 2) calls me aunt jawana. All his family love and accept me. Its not always the case tht Kurdish men are expected to marry kurdish women....some do marry for love and their families are happy with that.
My fiance has never been unfaithful, always respects me and looks after me like gold. He has my name tatood on his hip (just for good measure).

Mixed relationships can and will work.
You just need a lot of love

xxx

Awwww Thank you Joanna for sharing with us... And welcome to Roj Bash Kurdistan...

I just wanna comment one thing: being expected to marry a Kurdish girl, doesn't necessarily mean marrying somebody you don't love...

For me, the most important thing is what attitude/view my partner has on matters like: Life... What "living" means to her...

And I guess that's what most people go by... Those who "only can" marry Kurds, usually have something in the back of their mind saying: meaning of life is being a Kurd - if you're not a Kurd, then you stand poor...

That's just what I think anyway...

[joanna1]

I understand where you are coming from but I dont believe that by marrying an English woman my fiance will become any less of a Kurd. He will always be a Kurd no matter what happens. His children, although born in England will be raised as Kurds.

I think it mainly comes down to values, English girls do get a lot of bad press but I and my family have very similar values to him and his family. He was my first love and he gives me alot of respect for that.

I also think it comes down to personal preference, there are thousand and thousands of gorgeous beautiful Kurdish women, I know this as my sister in Laws are all absolute stunners. However, my fiance has always been more attracted to blonde blue eyed western woman. Just the same as i have always been attracted to tall and dark men. Its just the way things are.

At the end of the day I think it comes down to the fact that we cant often choose who to fall in love with.

xxx

[Diri]

I understand where you are coming from but I dont believe that by marrying an English woman my fiance will become any less of a Kurd. He will always be a Kurd no matter what happens. His children, although born in England will be raised as Kurds.

I think it mainly comes down to values, English girls do get a lot of bad press but I and my family have very similar values to him and his family. He was my first love and he gives me alot of respect for that.

I also think it comes down to personal preference, there are thousand and thousands of gorgeous beautiful Kurdish women, I know this as my sister in Laws are all absolute stunners. However, my fiance has always been more attracted to blonde blue eyed western woman. Just the same as i have always been attracted to tall and dark men. Its just the way things are.

At the end of the day I think it comes down to the fact that we cant often choose who to fall in love with.

xxx

Oh - sorry... Didn't mean to say that he will become less Kurd...

What I meant to say was: those who insist on marrying a Kurdish person (and whom are Kurdish themselves) do so because they want to 1) keep it safe and play the culture they already know since childhood and 2) because they have a wish to further Kurdishness... At home, you and your fiancè don't speak Kurdish... Do you? And you don't make Kurdish food, do you? Do you attend Kurdish events? Etc... Would you move to Kurdistan if it were safe for you?

Just some hypothetical questions - but if you feel like it, I would be interested in knowing what your answers would be...

He won't become less Kurdish... But his children will... They'll be half English... Although according to Kurdish culture/tradition: children are what their father is... So if the father is Kurdish - the children are Kurdish too... That's a piece of paternal lineage and culture which I guess is counter to English values...

[joanna1]

Thanks for your reply, in answer to your questions we talk as much Kurdish as we can, obviously Im still learning I cook Kurdish food so does my fiance as often as we fancy it and we attend weddings of our kurdish friends and newroz. We have many Kudish friends and visit each other all the time. I have alot of Kurdish clothes because my Fiances mother makes them for me and sends them with relatives.

We hope to go to Kurdistan to live in the future, either when our children are still small or in retirement. My Fiance is from hewler so its easy to travel there now and hopefully will be making the trip in March for a couple of weeks.

Hope this answers your questions.

x

[Diri]

Thanks for your reply, in answer to your questions we talk as much Kurdish as we can, obviously Im still learning I cook Kurdish food so does my fiance as often as we fancy it and we attend weddings of our kurdish friends and newroz. We have many Kudish friends and visit each other all the time. I have alot of Kurdish clothes because my Fiances mother makes them for me and sends them with relatives.

We hope to go to Kurdistan to live in the future, either when our children are still small or in retirement. My Fiance is from hewler so its easy to travel there now and hopefully will be making the trip in March for a couple of weeks.

Hope this answers your questions.

x

Joanna... Bi xêr bêy bo Kurdayetî - May you come well to Kurdishness!

Thank you for your reply! I am impressed. Honestly. Not many Western women wish to leave the material goods of their society for the family/social goods of Oriental society...

I am glad you feel the way you do... And I applaud your efforts... With a caring and loving - and clearly sympathetic partner like yourself, your fiancè won't lack anything another Kurd could have...

You tell your love: YOU ARE ONE LUCKY MAN!



Maybe I'll see the two of you in Southern Kurdistan one day...